Reformatting blog... some shit got fucked... please be patient...

Polyfragmented Systems - 7/31/24

Over on Tumblr we had a poll on the next topic, and the winner was polyfragmented systems! If you'd like to interact with shorter content, get updates when we post, or take part in polls, you can find us there @living-with-did.

Onto the subject of the day!

Polyfragmented DID is a term mostly used in online spaces, to describe dissociative systems with a lot of headmates (the general consensus seems to be around 50+), complex patterns of splitting, tendency to split frequently, and complicated system hierarchies. However, this term was not created by the internet.

As a disclaimer, DID is very under-researched. In most of the studies I'm using today, it is referred to by its old name of Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD.) Not many sources that I'm aware of mention polyfragmentation at all. Every paper we mention will be linked at the bottom of this post. Please check them out for yourselves!

In 1988, Dr. Bennett Braun published a paper on the BASK model of MPD, standing for Behavior, Affect, Sensation, and Knowledge.

Braun writes, "In the BASK model presentation of repression as a dissociative episode, there is a break of all BASK processes across the time continuum, although the physiologic component is less evident." In this case, behavior, affect, sensation, and knowledge have all been impaired or affected by dissociation.

He only briefly mentions polyfragmented systems, putting no concrete number on the alter count required. Instead, he writes that to be polyfragmented, the patient must have at least two distinct personality states, and fragments.

A fragment is not a fully developed part with its own personality. Fragments may go on to fuse with each other or developed personalities, or even to develop fully on their own. Fragments are often part of polyfrag discussions online, where they tend to make up the majority of a polyfrag system’s "headcount."

"The polyfragmented multiple personality is a person who qualifies as having MPD by having at least two personalities and many fragments. These are the patients who have in the past astonished physicians and the public with their large number of personalities. Reports about them are so unbelievable that the entire principle of MPD is brought into question by skeptics. The polyfragmented multiple personality patient is best thought of, and treated, as what he/she is- a person with a few personalities and many fragments. The fragments require less intensive therapeutic work to achieve integration."

It is important to know about Braun that he had his license revoked during the satanic panic. Many of his patients testified that he manipulated them into believing they had suffered from abuse or committed atrocities related to satanic rituals in order to confirm his own beliefs in the conspiracy.

In the same year, Dr. Richard Kluft responded to Braun's paper, as well as outlining his own definition of an alter. He writes very academically, so we will clear up the gist of what he says after assaulting you with the following wall of text:

"I have tended to define a personality, alter, or disaggregate self state in a manner that stresses what such an entity does and how it behaves and functions rather than by emphasizing quantitative dimensions: A disaggregate self state (i.e., personality) is the mental address of a relatively stable and enduring particular pattern of selective mobilization of mental contents and functions, which may be behaviorally enacted with noteworthy role-taking and role-playing dimensions and sensitive to intrapsychic, interpersonal, and environmental stimuli. It is organized in and associated with a relatively stable (but order effect dependent) pattern of neuropsychophysiologic activation, and has crucial psychodynamic contents. It functions both as a recipient, processor, and storage center for perceptions, experiences, and the processing of such in connection with past events and thoughts, and/ or present and anticipated ones as well. It has a sense of its own identity and ideation, and a capacity for initiating thought processes and actions. Therefore, a personality as defined above and eligible for inclusion in this study might be a fragment in Braun's terminology; in fact, many extremely complex MPD patients have too many personalities for most of them to qualify as such in this terminology. Braun uses the term polyfragmented MPD to describe such situations."

He defines an alter by how it behaves and what purpose it serves in the system. He considers alters to be states in which an alternate personality remains concrete and consistent with itself and the role it fulfills. It receives information, processes it, and stores memories in its own way. It has its own separate sense of self.

Kluft argues that what Braun may consider fragments are actually full alters. On fragments themselves, he writes about the following case:

"Case 19. A woman of 42 had over 1,600 separate entities. Virtually all were very minor entities, flickering briefly into action to influence the beleaguered host from behind the scenes. There was one additional very well articulated alter that never emerged unless requested to in the course of therapy. This patient exemplifies what Braun described as polyfragmented MPD. She did not appear to demonstrate classic MPD until she had unified down to three alters."

Now in 1994, a doctor named Colin Ross returned to the subject.

"It is impossible to have hundreds of fully formed personality states in one person because there isn't enough lifespace in one lifetime. In a polyfragmented patient, there will usually be a relatively small number of more fully formed personality states that have been responsible for the bulk of the person's experience. Often the personality fragments will hold a single memory or feeling, and many may never take executive control of the body."

Alongside our more fully formed alters, such as J and L, we have many fragments of our own. Memories of their periods fronting are spotty and often blacked out, although we have an account of a brief front from our partner Blue.

During this period, we grew very still for a long time before suddenly becoming afraid of them, trying to hide or brace to be struck, and brandishing anything heavy or weaponlike we could find in the room as a defense against a perceived abuser. Blue also says they had to physically hold us down to prevent us from continually bashing our head against things.

This fragment seemed completely caught in fight-or-flight the entire period it fronted, despite this period lasting over an hour during which no aggression was shown. It did not respond to anything Blue said or did in attempt to comfort and remained in the same state of fear the entire time.

"Polyfragmentation seems to involve two processes. One is the usual formation of an alter personality which becomes relative full-bodied. Alter personalities, even when relatively fully formed, are still restricted in comparison with the entire personality of which they are a component, but they are more substantial than the fragments formed by the second process. The second process seems more like a memory-filing device in which memories are broken down into small pieces and stored under filing labels consisting of names and ages."

I really like this way of conceptualizing them, and I feel it makes a lot of sense.

Unfortunately, like Braun, Ross was also a conspiracy theorist who let his convictions affect his treatment of his patients. He was also accused of conspiracy to commit fraud.

Despite this, he ran very extensive studies on polyfragmentation. It was too much to read for a small blog post, but again, everything will be linked below.

In preparation for this post, we made a post asking polyfragmented systems to describe their own experiences. We only received one response, but it was in depth and we’d like to include it here!

@thefluffystuffiesystem on Tumblr writes:

"We are polyfrag! Here's a bit about our experience. ^^ we don't mind being named if you choose to use anything I wrote.

When it comes to alters, we have a really hard time understanding splits, fragments who fully formed, and more. We have an incredibly low split tolerance, and it's hard to tell who is who and when they formed.

We have a sort of rule that it's okay to put down potential alters. But we can not say they are a full alter unless they interacted with other alters or fronted at least twice. With fragments who fully form, we have an alter or two keep watch over them and help them understand things and provide overall support. But we are still learning about fragments as a concept."

We found this really resonated with our experience. Occasionally we encounter an alter we have never known about before (or retain memory of knowing.) Usually this happens internally as a passive influence, although like my example above, it may happen externally as well.

We determined that part to be a fragment because it fronted long enough for Blue to get a good idea of what was going on with it. We haven't encountered this fragment since.

Like the fluffy stuffie system, for us to constitute something as a fully formed alter, it has to interact with us or someone externally enough to understand it as its own entity.

Added Comics Tab! + Tumblr! - 7/17/24

No set schedule for comic updates. You can find us on Tumblr @living-with-DID where we post every time this blog is updated. This way anyone interested can be notified as soon as anything is posted! :)

"Long Distance Relationships"/Meeting My Headmate Through Video - 7/9/24

Brief mentions of drinking/smoking

Today I want to write about two ways we've recently come up with to encourage communication within the system. We are one of those who lucked out (?) in the communication department. Unlike Blue's system, we can talk to each other internally. It's kind of like hearing voices come from the void or ether, like someone else is talking in your head.

We've also found notes that we don't remember writing. Usually at the time we thought we were the host, but then J stumbles upon what they wrote and has no memory of it. Although on occasion the handwriting is unmistakably different or someone has signed off with their own name. Seeing that someone still uses the body's deadname (we are transmasc) was certainly a surprise.

The note thing gave us an idea. What if we set out a particular place that people can leave notes, reminders, etc that they want other people to read?

For example, we got an apology letter yesterday. (Well, it was a folded up index card with the word SORRY in all caps to accompany the vodka left out on the counter.)

While some of us are definitely reserved, there are a handful of us who are at least interested in exploring concrete communication with each other. The idea of leaving physical evidence is daunting, but we did something about that too.

Despite living in our own apartment, we still feel embarrassed and ashamed to do normal human things. To combat this, we've filled the apartment with all kinds of things our parents would never approve of, to remind us wherever we look that this space belongs to us.

We have pride flags and art taped to the walls, unfinished paintings and projects on the floor and everywhere. We have cat ears and merch from fandoms we enjoy. And of course, we have a cat. Every day, we try to encourage ourselves to rediscover art for the sake of art, and not burning out to be perfect enough to earn praise from our father.

So we deliberately take time to make silly art that we know he'd hate. It makes us feel safe, and it makes us feel warm and good.

So we made a mailbox. We used an old cardboard box and hot glue and paint and tape and markers and our and Blue's child parts made paint handprints and doodled all over it.

Now we have a big gaudy rainbow sticker-covered lopsided mailbox on top of our fridge to slip notes into!

Not a whole lot has happened since we finished it two days ago, but we aren't expecting anything huge to change. Right now, having the option is enough.

But the biggest thing we did was to have a video taken while K was fronting. He agreed to it, and he behaves very very differently from most of us, so we thought this would help us combat denial AND get to know ourselves better, as well as possibly open up a new method of communication between us.

It was trippy as fuck to see. It was our body, but it moved like a stranger. I recognized it from who I see in the mirror, but I barely registered as my body. It seemed to belong to him more than me.

Blue agreed to record a transcript with us talking about the differences he noticed with K and with the others. I’ve taken the relevant bits out and put them here.

The transcript may be janky because, well, it's a transcript. Sorry in advance XD.

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Blue: Like, okay, you [J] look like somebody who animated you understands what people do at rest. And then he just only does actions. He doesn't have "idle animations."

J: So he just never stops moving?

Blue: Either that or he just won't move at all.

J: I guess he doesn't talk right. You said he has a very different sense of humor. Yes. Did he tell you any jokes?

Blue: No. Not last time. He mostly painted a fox.

J: Well, that does explain that Minecraft fox made out of cardboard. On the floor.

Blue: Yeah, he made it. [Back on the topic of humor.] He likes to have, like, over the top annoyed reactions to things. Like I think the first time I ever really saw that is when he was getting annoyed at something that LB was saying internally, and he was just like [makes a deadpan annoyed face], and then he drew LB with the word annoying above it.

J: So does he have very different interests than me?

Blue: He seemed more interested in music than you did, actually. Even though you seem interested in making music.

J: Yeah, I'm gonna have to like see what happens when I try to get back on that that fucking music program. See if he peeks over my shoulder, so to speak.

Blue: You just Time Skip and then Beethoven starts playing and you're like, holy shit. We are at a piano recital. You're in a tuxedo. It's been like 30 years. You're famous.

J: I'm famous for being a very eccentric musician.

Blue: Your hair is very long and dyed black.

J: Oh God. Does he have smudged eyeliner?

[We got distracted for another 15 min]

Blue: What else is there about people in their behavior that I can talk about? Because I can very easily point out differences but I can't think of what's important to say.

J: I mean literally anything because I'm just going to pick out the text that I find useful. I think we were discussing the video itself.

Blue: Yes. Did you notice anything in the video that you have any questions about?

J: Oh, I noticed that there were a lot more jerky movements. Like yes. I think that's part of what I was talking about when I was like, when I was talking about like there's not like, like, moving or not moving. It's just it's there's no in between? He also seemed to as soon as he was done with a gesture he would just freeze there for a second like he was paused. So I thought that was interesting. And apparently he does like this snuffling thing?

Blue: Yeah, I kind of forgot.

J: That is an interesting thing. That I am aware of now. Oh, my God. Hopefully it's not too weird.

Blue: I don't really notice it that much, to be honest.

J: Do you think he does it on purpose?

Blue: I don't know.

JL Like, is he trying– I think that might be an animal mannerism and I don't know if it's conscious and imitation but it might be like subconscious imitation.

Blue: Because he does think that he is [a fox] yes, yeah. I think that's like a burrowing noise.

[We briefly get distracted by our cat]

Blue: So, if you want to talk about anyone else we can talk about [M's nickname]. M. Yeah, I saw- I saw him enough to be able to talk about him too. Okay. Um, he seems taller even though he's not any physically taller than you and he doesn't actually stand up any straighter but he seems taller.

J: How does that work?

Blue: I think he must hold himself differently in like maybe a way that people tend to hold themselves when they're taller because maybe there's just more to hold up.

But he holds himself this way. Oh, I think maybe it's because his head leans forward a little bit almost like he's used to being too tall. Maybe he has to duck for doorways or something

J: In the fanfiction, he is I think about six feet tall. So that does check out but I'm curious about this because I never ever consciously internalize this about tall people. I just, I never thought about it, but I guess like that might have been unconsciously absorbed. But that really just the how fucking how many things do I just know unconsciously?

Blue: A lot. Most of human knowledge is unconscious.

J: Brains are insane. I have a voice in my head and a personality but it was constructed with such unnecessary detail. Well, I guess it is necessary, because that's a whole guy who needs body language and stuff.

Blue: That's true.

J: Fully fleshing someone out makes them more likely to not have people notice or be concerned about it if they're fronting. But still, like, the amount of detail is really cool. And also weird and disconcerting, and oh my god.

Blue: He's also fast. He walks really fast. He doesn't seem like he moves fast but it is impossible to keep up with him.

J: I guess he's better with the crutches than I am.

Blue: I haven't really noticed much either way, but on or off crutches. He is faster than you. It's just his base speed is faster. I would have to jog probably to keep up with him. But he'll just stop at corners and wait for me or if I get too far behind. He'll just stop and wait. He'll notice. He'll be like 'oh shit, hurry up. We gotta go smoke.'

Blue: I think maybe has a longer stride than you and he's almost always listening to music and probably faster paced music when he's walking. So that's gonna affect how fast he walks.

J: I listen to fucking nightcore while walking.

Blue: I know you do, but I'm saying that he might walk somewhat slower if I ever heard him or saw him walking while listening to Mitski [he has been caught listening to Mitski in the past] or like, just not listening to something while he was walking. He might walk at a more reasonable speed. Also might not be able to tell how fast someone next to him is walking because he can't hear them.

J: That's true. I didn't think of that. I think you said that he also moves or walks or something differently than me?

Blue: He does. He walks differently than you. I'm thinking, now that I think about his gait more, a lot of the difference I have been noticing I think has to do with how he holds his head. So I think it might be that mannerism that I was noting with him seeing seeming taller might be how he holds his head.

J: That is really interesting. Holy shit. That's so fucking interesting.

B: I think also because he's walking faster he has a little more of a forward lean than you but when he's just standing he has actually a further back lean than you and more of like a forward tilt of the pelvis I think to like, hold up at that angle. Because like you don't really lean back. Some people kind of lean back when they stand and he does but you don't really.

J: One thing that I've been curious about and I'm already forgetting, because I'm high. And oh, here is what it was. Do you think, if you were just watching me, and I switch and I like I wasn't talking or anything and there was no other tells who I was, do you think you could tell who I was by the way I hold my posture.

Blue: I would be able to tell that it wasn't you. I might not be able to specifically pick M out. But I'd be able to know that it wasn't you and I'd probably be able to guess that he was one of the options, but without hearing him talk about something I don't know if I'd be able to be like 'this is specifically him' so much that I would be like J doesn't move like that. That's someone else.

J: Damn, that is a mindfuck for me. I feel like a reporter because I keep coming up with questions to ask you but that was I know you said that his voice is very different than mine. But is his way of talking different?

Blue: He doesn't elaborate as much, he'll speak more to the point. Not like in a rude way but like he’ll say the thing that he wants to say usually in pretty few words. He can talk in a very articulate way if he's having a complex discussion, but if he wants to just say something quickly, it's going to be like three words.

J: So you've had a complex discussion with him?

Blue: Yes. At the [coffee shop.] We sat there for like two hours smoking and we both had something to drink. So we were there for a while and we were talking about DID and how introjects work and stuff.

J: So you explained to him what he was?

Blue: Yes, since he probably was confused given that he didn't know that he wasn't in [source media.]

J: Guess he probably doesn't know what to do now.

Blue: I think he's mostly just like, 'I want to go draw and drink a beer.' And he I think he's just now he's like, 'alright, I'm going to acclimate to this world and figure out the leisure activities I want to do and the shit that I have to do.' And then if he wants to, like, work on some sort of specific aspiration, he'll figure that out a little bit.

J: I was wondering about L. Who do we have so many L names?

Blue: I don't know. I mean, there was a prominent L in your birth name.

J: I guess it's true. But yeah, tell me about have you noticed anything about L? She's the first woman out of all of us.

Blue: Um, well, she I think was the one who will sometimes front after E's being like a little standoffish and be like 'I'm sorry about the child.'

J: Does she does he talk or hold herself differently?

Blue: L I haven't seen as much. Hilariously, actually. I think most of the times that I've seen L she's been shirtless, which is funny. Oh, I think that just because it's been like times at home while cleaning and you probably get too warm. So then you just strip.

J: Yeah I strip if I'm gonna overheat.

Blue: Yeah, so I haven't seen her except like, walking around. She's picking up and putting away stuff.

[END OF TRANSCRIPT]