Who Are We?

We are a dissociative system. We have multiple personality states that work together or against each other, all for the purpose of our survival.

While some aspects of this disorder are useful in survival, such as our caretaking part L who makes us take care of basic hygiene, eating, and going to work, others can be extremely harmful. We have an alter that tries to convince us to commit suicide, and one that will cut, beat, and bruise our body. We have had alters ruin relationships and precious belongings, and alters that try to reenact our primary abuser's actions on ourselves.

While it may not always make sense, every alter serves a purpose. The brain is trying desperately to figure out what to do. While most parts strive to keep us alive (which is a monumental task at times) some of them are still stuck in a past in which death seemed like the only way out, and preferable to the suffering we endured. We have child parts as well, and engaging with them and letting them front has been therapeutic in allowing ourselves to microdose on the childhood that was torn from us.

While the hosts know of at least twenty or so alters, most of them we've only identified a few times and not had meaningful contact with. DID is a covert disorder. It wants to hide itself from everyone, including the person who has it. Showing obvious symptoms would only put the disordered person in more danger and would be counterintuitive.

The alters who are most likely to write here or be mentioned are J, L, K, M, and E.

Blue is what we'll call the host of our roommate system (J's boyfriend.)

J

J is the host of the system. This doesn't mean he is the "core" or "main" part. There is no original personality that all the others split from. Being the host means she is one of the ANPs that fronts the most. This means xe is the personality around most often and deals with day-to-day activities.

It is an artist and writer like a lot of the most frequent fronters, and is dating the host of our partner system. She is the only personality in a relationship with this person, and at all. Also, it is a proud furry.

L

L is a caretaker part. She is often near the front or coconscious, especially with child parts. She is also an ANP. She has occasional lapses in empathy when it is necessary in order to keep the system from a breakdown. She takes care of us, soothing us when stressed, keeping track of appointments and scheduling, making sure we eat and take our medicine, and filling a big sister/mother role.

She is also the best cook of the system, able to create recipes from scratch by instinct. We are all very fucking impressed.

K

K is an interesting case. He most resembles a child alter, but is bodily an adult. He was introjected from an OC we made in order to vent and cope through writing, and our brain absorbed him as a way to help cope. In his source media, a story we wrote with our partner, he was isolated as a child and wasn't able to develop properly, leaving him confused and never advancing mentally past childhood.

He often fronts to draw or play or spend time with our partner system's host, who he is friends with and who takes care of him along with L. Unlike most of us, he is able to let go of stress from our adult life and engage in childhood games of pretend. He is also able to ask for help and receive hugs and physical affection. Most of us are dissociated from our body so much that sometimes we don't notice if someone is touching us or if we have been hurt. But K is able to feel physical sensations more vividly.

M

M is also an introject. Similar to K, he was from a fanfiction we wrote to cope, and based off of his and J's predecessor before a recent trauma caused that part (C) to split into both of them.

He is generally more able to feel and process our emotions, and is likely introjected because of that and because he resembles the future self we imagined we would be if we survived childhood-- an unkempt smoker and alcoholic who used substances to keep from committing suicide. However, he's slowly moving towards more positive coping mechanisms. Engaging with our partner system's host and interacting with the world and developing into a more concrete personality has helped a lot. He may eventually become a cohost.

Luckily despite buying some, we managed to get ourselves to throw out our nicotine vape and most of the cigarettes we bought and didn't catch an addiction. Now he's a stoner like the rest of us.

E

E is a loud and outspoken child part, a version of us frozen in time from around ten to twelve. A potential previous host or protector part, she was thoroughly broken by our father and retreated to dormancy inside of us for years. Recently she has reemerged and been extremely destructive in our lives.

Just like M, and essentially all of us, progressing from a part to developing a fuller sense of self has been monumental in healing. (This is NOT the case for all systems.)